It’s been a month since my mom passed away. 

The year 2008 has been the worst I can remember. 
For some this year has been bad because of the economy, or the election, or their job and I guess I can relate to some of those same things.

For me though, 2008 started with my one of my sisters suddenly dying in early January.

That was followed the next week with my mom being diagnosed with stage four lung cancer.  They gave her six to nine months.  She finally lost the battle in mid October.  Now, as bad as it was to lose my sister, it was unexpected and very quick.  With mom, it occurred over a nine month period.  Sudden death is bad, watching someone who always had been very strong just decay in front of your eyes is far, far worse.

Toward the end, she asked me to forgive her for her mistakes. 
The woman that took care of a daughter with developmental issues, the woman who had to contend with a husband that drank himself to death over a long period of time, the woman who cared for yet another daughter with debilitating arthritis, apologizing to me, a son that could have and should have been there more and better when he was there. 
Pay attention to this.  Nothing can prepare you for that. NOTHING.

She sacrificed for her entire family.  Put up with constant disappointments, coupled with the realization that while none of her dreams would come true, she was dedicated to ensure all of ours were. 
She could stretch a dollar further than anyone I’ve ever seen and worked longer hours than everyone I’ve ever known.  We had nothing growing up. Nothing except a true southern lady that put her family ahead of all those things she wanted and deserved.  I’m sure the few that will read this feel the same way about their mother.  If they don’t….shame on them.

At the end….and in the weeks since then, I have come to realize a couple of things.

Don’t take anything too seriously.

Don’t take yourself too seriously.

Don’t take life for granted.

Don’t take from those you love, without giving back.

I did ALL of things. 
I made ALL those mistakes. 
I have to get up each day knowing ALL of that.

I’ve been told time will make all of this better. 
Somehow I don’t think there is enough time left for that to happen.  I’m not looking for, nor do I expect sympathy for a loss we all have to bear at some point in our lives.  Trust me when I tell you, it will change you. 
Change you in ways you won’t expect and to degrees you thought weren’t possible.

Damn. I cannot wait for this year to end.